If you’re a privileged, young person like myself, but unlike me does not live close to, or above the polar circle, you might be unfamiliar with the idea of snow shoveling, thinking that it is something done in old movies and by special tractors; this is wrong, and also, screw you for living in a climate more friendly to human life. Now, for a little background: I, the handsome, magnificent and until now internetically invisible (yes, I used “internet” as an adverbial; sue me) drummer in this interesting constellation, have been spending a few weeks in the north of Sweden to be with my family and the friends that I left behind when I moved southwards to the beautiful capital of this phallic country, and because of that I have mainly been able to do two things: play video games and drive a car; great things that I’ve missed a lot. The video game I’ve been playing the most during these weeks when I’ve been away from the dorm and the band is a two-year old game entitled Prototype.
And now for the relevance of this text: today my little sister in a bout of maternal care and slight irritation sent me out of the house and into the cold to shovel away a few decimeters from the driveway. It was nice work and it felt good to reactivate a part of my knowledge that has fallen into disuse over this last year and a half; you see, you cannot just plow on and hope everything sticks: a good snow shoveling is accomplished by first slicing off the newly fallen top layer of snow; this removes a lot of extra space and weight that would be in the way for step two, which is a direct attack on the hard, often frozen layer below; and for that you need to put your strength behind it and push forward in short, sharp attacks, shearing off the packed snow as you go.
Why am I telling you this? Well, because this brain-numbing and masculine work opened up for a moment of reflection, and I realized that the game Prototype is one of the most covertly sexual games I have ever played.
Woah! Did you just almost decorate your screen in blood and pieces of your mind that was just blown? Well brace yourself, for the next point will make those gooey pieces detonate in a nuclear explosion of “holy shitting fuck!”, so bear with me here: I, as many with me, have long experience of traversing those websites that you rarely “like” on Facebook; generally through a combination of bile fascination and actual interest in what weird shit it is that makes some humans tick, with paraphilia being a personal hobby of sorts, which of course is another word for “deviant stuff people find arousing”.
So what is arousing about a game where you play a psycho with awesome, fleshy mutant powers (haha, almost made a penis joke there) that (oopsie, just did) kills thousands of military, civilians and monsters, often in very gory ways? Well, firstly, if you’re into that, we have the tentacles, all those tentacles. If you have ever been online, and outside the generally-safe spheres of social networks and newspapers, there is a weird place called “Japan” that seems to thrive on weird kinky stuff, including monsters with tentacles. “But this game uses the tentacles only to impale and grab (just painted yourself into a corner there, kiddo) people and get into helicopters, there is no way they can be seen as anything but weapons!” you say, to which I nod and say “Perhaps”, because yes perhaps the long, strong, sinewy, pulsating ropes of flesh can be seen as purely weapons (mind you, I’ve seen kinky stuff starring Plant 42 from Resident Evil), but that was only my first, and actually weaker point. The second, and primary point? Vore. Aka “you eat people”. This is actually a big part of the game, because when you consume an individual in-game, you also consume that person’s memory and skills, and to finish the game you need to eat your way through military, scientists, mutants and so on, which is done by killing them and absorbing them (absorption being a sub-category of that fetish), which heals your wounds and from a plot perspective increases your biomass. This can actually be combined with the aforementioned tentacles (google “tentacle vore” if you’re not keen on keeping your innocence and/or sanity) to create a load of really fucked up fan work, so I decided to see if I could find some with some quick searches. Oh, and you still alive after that second cataclysmic explosion, congratulations; you are stronger than most, but I digress, so back to the searching…
I was surprised; in fact, there was very little fan work based on Prototype in general, and besides a few comic strips and images referring to the idea behind tentacle rape there were no sexually themed ones. I was relieved and disappointed at the same time; none of my innocent childhood heroes have been left unspoiled on my journey through life and the internet, so why this game? Was it simply not interesting enough? Not popular enough? Not sacred enough? I cannot tell, but I feel that despite this anti-climax to my little anecdote I have made a difference, some person’s life has taken a step towards the worse, or perhaps, in a sick twist, better, and most of all I’ve been able to unload a little weight from my shoulders. Happy 2012.
/Sam
